The results are in for several new studies and it doesn’t look good. Here’s what’s making us stupid today:
1. Women
Technically, it is contact with the opposite sex that seems to make people stupid, but the effects are especially pronounced for men in the presence of women, says a whole bunch of scientists who are probably afraid of girls. Two different studies performed by Dutch scientist Johan C. Karremans and colleagues at Radboud University of Nijmegen showed that men (but not women) overwhelmingly performed cognitive “thinking” tasks poorer when in the presence of a woman. Not surprisingly, there was obvious correlation between the level of attraction the man reported feeling for the woman in the room and his ability to render his hands and brain useful. A handful of women with a “goal to impress” the men in the room fared poorer than the rest. I couldn’t care less about proving that men get stupid when ration of X chromosomes in a room increases – like I didn’t already know that? – but I do like to see some science backing up the idea that women who do things because they think it will impress some man are less likely to do that thing well. Hear that, ladies? Trying to impress men makes you stupid, so cut it out already.
2. Spongebob
If you ever needed a reason to turn off the Spongebob Squarepants and send your kids out into the back yard to play, now you have it. Spongebob makes your kids stupid, hyperactive brats. Do you even need an explanation? Okay, okay, you’re right. “Just because” is not a very good answer if you’re trying to get them to go away.
University of Virginia psychology professor Angeline Lillard randomly assigned 60 four-year-old children into three different groups, each of which spent nine minutes in a chosen activity. One group got creative with some crayons and spent the time drawing, one watching a “slower paced” children’s program called Caillou, and the other watched the “fast paced” program Spongebob Squarepants. Results?
“After nine minutes, the kids took a variety of cognitive tests, as well as a test of self-control that involved measuring how long they could wait to eat snacks. The SpongeBob kids scored an average of 12 points lower on the cognitive tests than the other groups, who did about the same as one another. And they were only able to wait about two and a half minutes before scarfing the snacks, while other kids could hold off for four.”
Nickelodeon says the problem is that the study sample is too young (Spongebob is supposed to be for 6 to 11 year olds) but the study authors didn’t figure that kids pay too much attention to those sorts of “rules” if their parents aren’t paying attention. Regardless, the study wasn’t meant to comment directly on the sea sponge and his Bikini Bottom pals who make fast food look so glamorous, but all “fast paced” children’s programming like it. Just turn the TV off and back away slowly.
3. Video Games
Well, okay, this isn’t really a study about how video games make kids stupid, but it might make them hate you. Or the other way around. A recent study shows that kids who play a lot of video games are more likely to judge their parents poorly as authorities and role models. Do bad parents let their kids play more stupid video games? Or do video games make teenagers into sullen angry monsters who hate everyone? Only time will tell.
