Everything Is Stupid

Archive for July, 2011

31
Jul

Is Government Too Jaded To Hold On Just A Little Bit Longer?

The debt ceiling: The issue on the minds and lips of not just Americans, but people around the world, as the US government gets precariously close to defaulting on its debts. It is becoming increasingly obvious to the masses that our current economic model is unsustainable, but most of us continue to hope that things hold out just a little bit longer, as if we could somehow prepare ourselves for a complete economic collapse.

I can’t quite tell what’s holding the government back from just making the decision. It seems like the type of thing that would be simple enough for people whose jobs exist solely for the purpose of keeping in operation an unsustainable system – even if they are too jaded to do the job well. There have been a few wacky ideas thrown around, like having the President attempt to defend the country against debt collectors using the 14th Amendment of the Constitution, which states that “the debt of the United States shall not be questioned,” which as it turns out probably isn’t a great idea.

Yale Constitutional Law professor Jack Balkin reports on CNN that what this does not mean is that a jaded president can just say “we’re good for it, the check’s in the mail!” and avoid collection. He explains:

Like Congress, the president is bound by Section 4 of the 14th Amendment, which states that “(t)he validity of the public debt of the United States, authorized by law . . . shall not be questioned.” Section 4 was passed after the Civil War because the framers worried that former Southern rebels returning to Congress would hold the federal debt hostage to extract political concessions on Reconstruction. Section 5 gives Congress the power to enforce the 14th Amendment’s provisions. This does not mean, however, that these provisions do not apply to the president; otherwise, he could violate the 14th Amendment at will.

Section 4 requires the president not to put the validity of the public debt into question. If the debt ceiling is not raised in time, there will not be enough incoming revenues to pay for all of the government’s bills as they come due. Therefore he has a constitutional obligation to prioritize incoming revenues to pay the public debt: interest on government bonds and any other “vested” obligations.

New interest has been growing around the internet for an idea sprouted from the fact that the limits placed on the Treasury Department are based solely on paper money, which allows for the option of minting two platinum trillion dollar coins for immediate deposit into the Federal Reserve account. Sound crazy? Maybe! But not against the law, according to Balkin:

Sovereign governments such as the United States can print new money. However, there’s a statutory limit to the amount of paper currency that can be in circulation at any one time.

Ironically, there’s no similar limit on the amount of coinage. A little-known statute gives the secretary of the Treasury the authority to issue platinum coins in any denomination. So some commentators have suggested that the Treasury create two $1 trillion coins, deposit them in its account in the Federal Reserve and write checks on the proceeds.

The countdown to meltdown is getting close to its end, with less than 48 hours until we know what the heck is going to happen. I’m not quite prepared for a complete devaluing of the US dollar (it’s already trading low compared to dollars from my Canadian home).

Of course, the jaded suits in congress could just sit down and agree on something that will stave off the inevitable collapse of the North American financial system for at least a few more years! I have an apocalypse to plan for, people! I don’t have time for this, too…

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posted by BexvanKoot in Plain Ol' Stupidity and have Comments Off
31
Jul

David Copperfield Tries To Be Funny, Says That Stupid Potter Kid “Ripped Me Off”

The amazing Mr. David Copperfield would like you to know that Harry Potter ripped him off. If you are a member of a younger generation than I, it is possible that you have never even heard of David Copperfield; but, if you are one of the masses who remembers his illusionist tricks well, then you might not be completely bored by his latest video, in which he rails on Harry Potter, attempts to recall some of his most legendary illusions for a wide audience which may or may not know who he is, and makes a few lame jokes and talks about his own “personal” lightening bolt scar. Terrifying. Save your kids the nightmares – avert your eyes, children! To the rest of you out there in the tubes, enjoy… #SuckItPotter:


“I once met Alan Rickman and he was a dick to me.” – Proof positive that Harry Potter is really a story that touches the lives of many.

Was it Casual Friday over at the private island complex, David? I would think that someone with the fountain of youth flowing freely in his back yard might do a little bit more to “spruce up” for the occasion. The originally-named-Musha-Cay-but-now-deemed-by-the-magic-man-to-be ”The Islands of Copperfield Bay” evidently has a small stream which bears the power to bring insects back to life. I’m sure that’s exactly what the tropical island needs, too… more stupid bugs.

Don’t believe (probably based on evidence such as his face) that David has really discovered the mythic stream of rejuvenation? Why not see for yourself? Unless, of course, you don’t have the $325,000 it costs to spend a week on vacation there, playing Copperfield’s stupid party games - like a treasure hunt that spans the bay, with actor pirates on ships making trouble. I don’t really know if I would spend a third of a million dollars to putt around in a boat being chased by fake pirates, looking for fake treasure. Maybe if I were one of those Harry Potter kids and I could just magic myself in there for free, though! It sounds like the type of thing someone clinging to the last vestiges of adolescence might enjoy.

I wonder, though, if the mortgage payments on those private islands might be wearing Copperfield’s wallet a bit thin nowadays: The fountain of youth is surprisingly not a big seller, it seems. Copperfield bought the eleven islands in 2006 when futures in the fountain of youth were looking up. Nowadays, with economic collapse on the horizon and the apocalypse looming ever closer, living longer just doesn’t seem to be quite the priority it was last decade! David’s comment about JK Rowling being “too busy buying castles to fill with money” to take his stupid phone calls betrays a little too much bitterness! Why live out the end of the world on a few small islands, just waiting for the next tropical storm to take you out, when you can hole yourself up with a private army inside a giant castle and sleep on giant piles of gold, like a dragon?

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posted by BexvanKoot in Pop Culture Stupidity and have Comments Off
29
Jul

Summer’s Eve Pulls its Stupid Ads, Admits to Selling Useless Crap

Unless you happen to own a PVR (and actually manage to remember while you’re watching it that you don’t have to sit through commercials), you have probably seen at least one of these commercials for “Summer’s Eve,” the nicest way to describe any one of which is ”racist.” Since creating the ridiculous ads, the company has been slammed with comments about its useless product, including a lovely mocking on the Colbert Report. Haven’t seen the videos yet? Check them out:

First up, some Canadian girl bitches about going to the stupid gym.

Next our Latino friend rants in Spanish about her stupid layover at the airport.

Finally our afro-wearing African-American hand gives some lip about hairdos.

Responding with comments that make the company look even more stupid, PR executive Stacie Barnett told Adweek, “Stereotyping or being offensive was not our intention in any way, shape, or form. The decision to take the videos down is about acknowledging that there’s backlash here. We want to move beyond that and focus on the greater mission.” She went on to explain, however, that the “greater mission” is to sell women a bunch of useless crap that they don’t need, by convincing them that they do.

“The product that women and the medical community have questioned whether it is necessary is douching,” she said. “This campaign is marketing the external cleanser, cloth and wash, which is no different than a special hand cream, eye cream, body wash, etc. Now, are these things necessary? No. But cosmetically, as women, we have those choices.” She added: “The bigger issue is: Do I think the baggage that Summer’s Eve has had related to its heritage of douche is part of this [current criticism]? Absolutely. There are people who may always associate Summer’s Eve only with douche, and therefore look upon it either with mockery or a negative perception. And that’s fine. But there are a lot of women who want these products, right or wrong, necessary or not. And that’s who we want to educate.”

In response to the “backlash,” the two ads meant to “identify” with potential Black and Hispanic customers have been pulled, while the bland white hand ad remains.

This is not the first time, as you might imagine, that the douche-bag and genital-soap company has been in the news for making stupid advertising choices. In the fall of 2010 the company ran a magazine advertising campaign titled “How to Ask for a Raise,” which included in the number one spot the advice of “showering with Summer’s Eve feminine wash.” Of course, as you can imagine, women didn’t take too kindly to the suggestion that the smell of their vagina might prevent them from getting a raise at work. This product and others like it are products of “shame” – they create guilt and embarrassment about a thing that is not actually a problem, then attempt to sell a “solution” to the shame. I am incredibly happy to hear that women are more and more rejecting the idea that, if their vagina could talk, it would even consider asking to be smothered by a bunch of stupid chemicals.

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posted by BexvanKoot in Corporate Stupidity,Pop Culture Stupidity and have Comments Off
29
Jul

Almost 50% of Jaded Men Surveyed Would Dump A Woman Who Gained Weight

Are you the kind of woman whose weight fluctuates with the seasons, or have you seen your share of ups and downs in your lifetime? Are you in a new relationship? Well, brace yourself, because, according to a recent survey of 70,000 men, the answer is clear: half of all men would break up with their partner if she “gained weight.” To be fair, it was run by Cosmopolitan and AskMen.com, so I’m not sure whether the quantity of participants does much to outweigh the quality of the audience, but the results were interesting nonetheless. Yes, nearly half of all men admitted that they would leave their partner if she put on a few pounds – though exactly how many pounds isn’t clear – compared to only twenty percent of women who were asked the same question (which is still a lot, if you ask me!).

Of course, this might have something to do with the fact that more than a third of men – thirty-nine percent – prize their family as status symbols over anything else, while women were all caught up in keeping a pretty home – with forty-three percent of them focusing their energy on making their house look nice rather than on feeling good and spending time with loved ones. Of course, looking at anything as a “status symbol” is already pretty jaded, so I suspect a bit of a bias to the questioning.

This is only one study in a long line of recent research about how weight relates to success in relationship and career, and to overall happiness. Some of the most important research comes into play when we look less at womens’ bodies themselves and more at how women feel about their bodies. As it turns out, being subconscious about your body size not only decreases your chances of actually achieving the body you want, but has debilitating effects on your career as well!

Unfortunately, with all this research that points out just how important womens’ bodies are to men, it’s hard to turn off all the media programming, stop being so jaded about our looks, and just love our bodies for what they are in their natural state. It seems like a vicious cycle.

A four-year study that was published earlier this month looked at the relative levels of marital satisfaction in 169 predominantly white couples who were all under 35 and newly married. Controlling for issues of stress and depression, a significant correlation between happiness and womens’ weight was shown: Women who had a higher BMI (body mass index) were more initially less satisfied in their relationship and wives were less satisfied in the long term.

It would be easy to draw the conclusion that this means “men aren’t happy with women who weigh too much,” but there are so many factors here. Most importantly, women who don’t feel good about how they look may in the long term not be as happy, enthusiastic, or confident in their romantic abilities. This could lead to quick dissatisfaction in a mate and long-term dissatisfaction overall, even absent a husband making any judgement relating directly to her weight. Unless, it seems, those men happen to be jaded poll-taking readers of Cosmo and Ask Men – because those guys obviously don’t like big butts.

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posted by BexvanKoot in Relationship Stupidity and have Comments Off
26
Jul

“Anonymity On the Internet Makes People Act Dumb”… In 4000 Jaded Words

Because it is for some unknown reason not completely and blatantly obvious to everyone, a writer at The Observer this week felt the need to write an 8-page, nearly 4000-word jaded diatribe about the nature of internet trolls and the fact that being anonymous online makes it easier for people to act like immature idiots. Look at that, I just completely summed up his article in twenty words or less.

So, what’s the news here? Is it just that time of the month when journalists feel the need to remind us all why the internet sucks and we should keep reading the newspaper?

“Websites are increasingly encouraging readers to leave comments, but with users able to hide behind aliases, often such attempts at discussion end in hate-filled bile and a mob mentality.”

Even though most sites prefer the “login via Facebook” (and more recently, Google+), each of which is supposed to discourage the use of pseudonyms, it seems that people still prefer not to use their real names when leaving jaded comments and sending death threats. I wonder why that is, exactly? Personally, I’ve never really understood the draw of internet anonymity. I like being who I am and saying what I want, and I don’t apologize for my beliefs. I don’t feel the need to hide my opinions from my family, friends, and potential employers. Why would I want to live with / hang out with / work for someone who would prefer to ignore me based on something I post online? Of course, these opinions rarely involve wishing death on comedians or telling other people what they can and cannot do with their own bodies. Still, this phenomenon gives rise to the burning question – what is the purpose of engaging in the so-called “online community” if no one feels the need to be the least bit accountable for the things they say or do in such a forum? Isn’t that the essence of community?

To me, it feels a lot like women who use Halloween as an excuse to dress in the most skimpy outfits they can find, because it’s a great way to “dress like a slut” (as the Toronto police department might say) without the ramifications and judgement that would come from wearing something so revealing any other day of the year. If you’re the type of person who likes showing off your body, you shouldn’t need a “holiday” as permission to do so – especially a holiday which is supposed to be about honoring ancestors, remembering the dead, and celebrating life. Sure, I suppose hooking up with someone random in a drunken stupor counts as “celebrating life,” but what about the reverence? Some days I really am shocked and disappointed by how jaded the world has become. I shouldn’t be, I know… none of this should come as a surprise. But, in the dark of night, under the cover of a star-filled sky and the sound of brass bands playing in the hills, I can’t help but forget all the ridiculous drama that goes on back home. It’s like a sweet, peaceful dream that wakes up into the nightmare of a reality so inundated with jaded jerks that they overflow from the tubes out into the streets, contaminating the newspapers and television stations with their vitriol.

Ugh. I think it’s time for a nap, don’t you?

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posted by BexvanKoot in Pop Culture Stupidity and have Comments Off
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